I know. I’ve already discussed the seriousness of Rob’s car addiction. And it truly seemed as though his obsession could not get any worse.
But, once again, Rob’s broken through the cross continental barriers I’d expected to restrict him, and made his dreams become a reality. He realized after my third refusal to his email pleas that he didn't actually need me to facilitate this transaction.
So, he bought a car. While in Afghanistan. Who DOES that?
The 2005 Mustang will be dropped off at our home any day now so that it can sit in our driveway collecting dust. Or, much more likely, a thick layer of snow. Why? BECAUSE, ROB’S ACROSS THE WORLD AND WILL NOT BE DRIVING IT.
So, why does he need a vehicle if he’s not even here? Why not wait until returning, and save on payments and vehicle insurance? Why even bother to look at car listings until he returns?
Excellent questions people. But, unfortunately, this is not an issue that has anything to do with rationalizing or reason ability. When it comes to cars, Rob has lost his mind completely and there’s just no arguing with him.
Sigh.
The other day, we were discussing the need to get an external hard drive to store all of the photos and videos we’ve accumulated over the last few years. Rob mentioned a particular type, but all I heard was a computer memory thingy. Apparently, all the guys overseas are using them to store their porn. They came prepared.
My husband? He would probably use up all of the memory space just with the photos of the cars he’s owned. You should see this file I found on our computer, titled “My Rigs”, it’s filled with hundreds of photos and videos of Rob’s previous vehicles. Insane.
Maybe he does use it as porn. Car porn. I mean, it’s not that unnatural, when you think about it. Sexy women and cars have been categorized together for as long as I’ve known. Men are constantly making comments about Ferrari’s and Lamborghini’s giving them boners. At least the men I know (looking pointedly at Ted and Keith). Would it be so strange to think of cars as porn?
Something to think about people.
You may want to pay attention the next time your husband watches Pimp My Ride, or takes a car magazine into the bathroom. You may be missing out on some funny business, and these things? They’re just good to know.
Showing posts with label deployment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deployment. Show all posts
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Pamprin is Surprisingly not for Men- Chaotic Momentum Post September 15, 2010
In the next paragraph, I’m going to make mention of something that no one likes to read about. And in the paragraph after that? I’m going to bring up another something that is usually a taboo subject. BUT- have a little faith, people. I will breeze by the topics so quickly your head will be spinning. Why must I include this information at all, you ask? You NEED the background information for this post to make any sense at all.
My apologies, but here it comes. Periods. All women get them and no one likes to hear about them. Especially us women. Bring up the subject of PMS and expect to get a swift kick to the groin. But, here it is anyway. The background information you require. I get brutal periods and horrible cramps. That’s it- the end.
One more thing to quickly bring up and be done with? Rob has just recovered, for the most part, from a serious infliction of food poisoning. Enough said.
Whew- now that the uglies are out of the way, let’s get on with the story.
With Rob away, our conversation time has become incredibly limited, so we try and make the most of it by only discussing the things that REALLY matter in life.
“Ugh. I feel like total and complete crap. I haven’t slept all week and to make everything worse, I have my period and think I just might die. Seriously. I may go out, lay down on the highway and wait for a truck to drive along and run me down and take away my pain. Uggghhhhh.”
Rob is amazing people, because if the situation were reversed? I would so call on the fact that I was just in the hospital for my own stomach issues, which were likely about a bazillion times more intense than some menstrual cramps.
He did not. Like I said, as he’s all amazing and everything. “I have some stuff here that would probably make you feel better. I’ll bring it home.”
“Hun, you shouldn’t be taking any illegal substances across the border. Seriously.”
What? It’s not like there’s a wide array of pharmaceuticals offered in Afghanistan that aren’t available here.
“No, nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
“Well, my back’s been really, really bad again. And I’m still feeling like shit altogether, so I went to the Canex to get some Advil and something to relieve bloating. I saw a box that specifically said it works for backaches and bloating, so I picked it up.”
“Okay…”
“I didn’t notice it was for menstrual related cramps, backaches and bloating until I read the back after I was already back to my room. And also? That shit didn’t help me out at all. I still felt like crap and was out eight bucks.”
TIP: Pamprin products are not for men.
My apologies, but here it comes. Periods. All women get them and no one likes to hear about them. Especially us women. Bring up the subject of PMS and expect to get a swift kick to the groin. But, here it is anyway. The background information you require. I get brutal periods and horrible cramps. That’s it- the end.
One more thing to quickly bring up and be done with? Rob has just recovered, for the most part, from a serious infliction of food poisoning. Enough said.
Whew- now that the uglies are out of the way, let’s get on with the story.
With Rob away, our conversation time has become incredibly limited, so we try and make the most of it by only discussing the things that REALLY matter in life.
“Ugh. I feel like total and complete crap. I haven’t slept all week and to make everything worse, I have my period and think I just might die. Seriously. I may go out, lay down on the highway and wait for a truck to drive along and run me down and take away my pain. Uggghhhhh.”
Rob is amazing people, because if the situation were reversed? I would so call on the fact that I was just in the hospital for my own stomach issues, which were likely about a bazillion times more intense than some menstrual cramps.
He did not. Like I said, as he’s all amazing and everything. “I have some stuff here that would probably make you feel better. I’ll bring it home.”
“Hun, you shouldn’t be taking any illegal substances across the border. Seriously.”
What? It’s not like there’s a wide array of pharmaceuticals offered in Afghanistan that aren’t available here.
“No, nothing like that.”
“Then what?”
“Well, my back’s been really, really bad again. And I’m still feeling like shit altogether, so I went to the Canex to get some Advil and something to relieve bloating. I saw a box that specifically said it works for backaches and bloating, so I picked it up.”
“Okay…”
“I didn’t notice it was for menstrual related cramps, backaches and bloating until I read the back after I was already back to my room. And also? That shit didn’t help me out at all. I still felt like crap and was out eight bucks.”
TIP: Pamprin products are not for men.
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
Understanding Daddy's Absence- August 27, 2010
Payton and I have a lot of discussions about Daddy being in Afghanistan.
1. He lives on a plane. We are continually dropping him off at the airport and this fact just cannot be argued. 2. He’s working with the guys. The guys love him and hug him and kiss him. They’re very happy he’s there. 3. He will be very happy when he gets to see her again. He will hug her and kiss her and love her.
I’d say she’s ALMOST bang on with this theories.
Rob's deployment has him working closely with a team of four other bodyguards, protecting the man responsible for administering the Afghanistan police. He does not live on a plane, but the guys DO hug and kiss him with their love.
Throughout the day, Payton will often stop what she’s doing and crawl into my arms. “I miss Daddy,” she’ll say.
I hate that she’s hurting, but at the same time, am very relieved that she’s thinking of him. They have such a deep connection and I have feared that over such a long period of time, she may forget him. I should have given her a little more credit. She has forgotten nothing.
After one of these moments, I set her and Ryker up at the table to paint a picture for Daddy. Ryker’s decided that paint? Not as psychedelic in taste as it may appear to be in color.
We wrapped their canvases and jumped into the car to drive to the military base to drop it off. “Going on plane, Momma?”
“No, honey, the guys will take it to him for us. He’s too far away for us to visit, but he will be so happy that you sent him such a beautiful painting. He will put it up in his room and think about you.”
“I see the guys, Momma.”
“Okay sweetie, you can come in with Mommy to drop off the package and see the guys.”
“Daddy too?”
“No, honey, he’s much too far away for us to visit. That’s why we’re sending him something special to show him that we love him.”
“Okay, Momma.”
And into the deployment support center we head, Payton leading the way, pointing into each room ahead as I try to push Ryker in the right direction and carry an awkwardly large and heavy box. “This the guys?”
“No, honey, keep walking.”
“This the guys?”
“No, honey, up here.”
We walk into the room where we need to be and there’s a group of five men talking behind the desk. They immediately jump into action and grab the box from me before I topple over.
“These are the guys, Payton. They’re going to take Daddy’s package to him.”
The guy holding the box bends down to Payton’s level, “Would you like to put it with the other boxes that we’re going to take to Daddy and his friends?”
“Uh huh,” Payton responds, and follows him across the room, where there’s a huge container with tons of other boxes they’re sending out to all of the other soldiers.
“It goes in here and all of these boxes will be sent out to where your Daddy is.”
Payton thinks this over, “I go too. I go with box.”
“No, honey, you can’t go with the box. It’s too far away and Mommy would miss you so much.”
“I go!”
The guy bends down to her level again, “It wouldn’t be very safe for you to go with all of these packages. You’re Mommy’s right, you should stay here with her and your brother.”
Payton and I have a lot of discussions about Daddy being in Afghanistan.
It’s so difficult for her to understand why he’s gone, where he is and when he’s coming home. Hell, it’s difficult for me to understand most days. His return date has been fluctuating anywhere from late October to January and I would SO love hear something, anything, definitive. The unknown is one of the most difficult aspects of this deployment and I can only imagine how Payton feels when it’s ALL unknown to her.
She has determined a few things, since Daddy has left:
“Daddy no safe?”
Oh boy, here we go, “No sweetheart, Daddy’s very safe. He just means that for you to be on a plane without Mommy you wouldn’t be safe.”
“Daddy keep me safe, MOMMA!”
“Yes, he most certainly would, but Daddy won’t be on the plane. They’re putting the boxes on the plane BY THEMSELVES to take to Daddy.”
She is obviously disappointed by this, “Oh.”
We say our goodbyes to the guys and Payton ensures to instruct them to give Daddy hugs and kisses when they see him. How can they not agree to an offer like this. They all promise to give Daddy lots of love.
It’s a quiet ride home and I’m so happy that my sister, their Annie, is over at our house. They all head out back to play on the swing set and Payton hears a plane flying overhead. She looks up, “See Annie? It’s Daddy!”
“I see Payton, there’s a plane.”
She smiles happily, “Daddy see me on the swing. Daddy SEE me.”
1. He lives on a plane. We are continually dropping him off at the airport and this fact just cannot be argued. 2. He’s working with the guys. The guys love him and hug him and kiss him. They’re very happy he’s there. 3. He will be very happy when he gets to see her again. He will hug her and kiss her and love her.
I’d say she’s ALMOST bang on with this theories.
Rob's deployment has him working closely with a team of four other bodyguards, protecting the man responsible for administering the Afghanistan police. He does not live on a plane, but the guys DO hug and kiss him with their love.
Throughout the day, Payton will often stop what she’s doing and crawl into my arms. “I miss Daddy,” she’ll say.
I hate that she’s hurting, but at the same time, am very relieved that she’s thinking of him. They have such a deep connection and I have feared that over such a long period of time, she may forget him. I should have given her a little more credit. She has forgotten nothing.
After one of these moments, I set her and Ryker up at the table to paint a picture for Daddy. Ryker’s decided that paint? Not as psychedelic in taste as it may appear to be in color.
We wrapped their canvases and jumped into the car to drive to the military base to drop it off. “Going on plane, Momma?”
“No, honey, the guys will take it to him for us. He’s too far away for us to visit, but he will be so happy that you sent him such a beautiful painting. He will put it up in his room and think about you.”
“I see the guys, Momma.”
“Okay sweetie, you can come in with Mommy to drop off the package and see the guys.”
“Daddy too?”
“No, honey, he’s much too far away for us to visit. That’s why we’re sending him something special to show him that we love him.”
“Okay, Momma.”
And into the deployment support center we head, Payton leading the way, pointing into each room ahead as I try to push Ryker in the right direction and carry an awkwardly large and heavy box. “This the guys?”
“No, honey, keep walking.”
“This the guys?”
“No, honey, up here.”
We walk into the room where we need to be and there’s a group of five men talking behind the desk. They immediately jump into action and grab the box from me before I topple over.
“These are the guys, Payton. They’re going to take Daddy’s package to him.”
The guy holding the box bends down to Payton’s level, “Would you like to put it with the other boxes that we’re going to take to Daddy and his friends?”
“Uh huh,” Payton responds, and follows him across the room, where there’s a huge container with tons of other boxes they’re sending out to all of the other soldiers.
“It goes in here and all of these boxes will be sent out to where your Daddy is.”
Payton thinks this over, “I go too. I go with box.”
“No, honey, you can’t go with the box. It’s too far away and Mommy would miss you so much.”
“I go!”
The guy bends down to her level again, “It wouldn’t be very safe for you to go with all of these packages. You’re Mommy’s right, you should stay here with her and your brother.”
Payton and I have a lot of discussions about Daddy being in Afghanistan.
It’s so difficult for her to understand why he’s gone, where he is and when he’s coming home. Hell, it’s difficult for me to understand most days. His return date has been fluctuating anywhere from late October to January and I would SO love hear something, anything, definitive. The unknown is one of the most difficult aspects of this deployment and I can only imagine how Payton feels when it’s ALL unknown to her.
She has determined a few things, since Daddy has left:
“Daddy no safe?”
Oh boy, here we go, “No sweetheart, Daddy’s very safe. He just means that for you to be on a plane without Mommy you wouldn’t be safe.”
“Daddy keep me safe, MOMMA!”
“Yes, he most certainly would, but Daddy won’t be on the plane. They’re putting the boxes on the plane BY THEMSELVES to take to Daddy.”
She is obviously disappointed by this, “Oh.”
We say our goodbyes to the guys and Payton ensures to instruct them to give Daddy hugs and kisses when they see him. How can they not agree to an offer like this. They all promise to give Daddy lots of love.
It’s a quiet ride home and I’m so happy that my sister, their Annie, is over at our house. They all head out back to play on the swing set and Payton hears a plane flying overhead. She looks up, “See Annie? It’s Daddy!”
“I see Payton, there’s a plane.”
She smiles happily, “Daddy see me on the swing. Daddy SEE me.”
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